Pink Flamingos

When my sister turned 40, I wanted to do something special for her. Something that would tell the world (or the townhouse complex) that her Birthday was something to be acknowledged. So I got to work on a couple of projects. The first was a big sign that read, you guessed it, "Lordy Lordy look who's forty!" I made sure it was huge and painted with bright colors, so that all who emerged from there townhouses would see it. My next project was my favorite of the two. I took a few sheets of green foam that I had bought at the dollar store, some pink pipe cleaners, and eighty tiny googly eyes and got to work. Out of each pipe cleaner, I fashioned a perfect little pink flamingo standing on one leg. After this long job, I put a spot of glue on the bottom and poked all forty of them into the foam sheets so that they stood up. Then I glued two little eyeballs on each little flamingo. I couldn't have been more pleased with how it turned out, so on her Birthday morning I sneaked over to her door, hung the poster with some balloons, and lay the sheets of flamingos on the hood of her car, so that they would be the first thing she saw when she opened her door. She got a real kick out of that, and brought them to work to show her coworkers. One of the things that I requested of her was that she pay it forward. The next person that she knows who turns 40, she has to pass the flamingos on to and they have to do the same. I think it would be funny to see how many people will get the flamingos. Our girlfriend Daveen will be turning 40 next, so we are going to pass the little flamingos on to her next month. Sheryl was suggesting that whomever gets the little guys, write their date of birth on the bottom of the foam mats and sign it, so if they make their way around the lower mainland, people can see the journey they have had!

Ball season!!!

Aaaaaah, ball season begins. We had our first practice on Sunday, so I had the chance to meet some of the new team members. It's funny how the ball team evolves through the years. When I started on the team, ten years ago, I was one of the youngest players and we all had kids running around. Then as the years passed, the oldest members left, and were replaced by younger ones, and our children all grew to the age that they no longer come out to watch. So for the last few years, we really haven't had many little booger-nuggets around. Now it seems to have come full circle. I'm one of the oldest on the team now, one of our players gave birth since last year, and one is pregnant! One of our newer players from last year also has a little toddler, so now she'll have other kids to play with at ball in the coming years.

Kelly and his daughter came with us to the practice. It was a beautiful sunny day. Eventually, Drew turned up and made some stupid bitter comment to me, but I don't really give a rat's ass. I tried to extend the olive branch by approaching him and greeting him, but he responded in a rude, combative way, so I left him to it. Oh well.

Other than that, life is grand. I'm in love, I have friends and family...what more could I ask for?

You're never too old to put a hole in the wall

You might think that once someone grows and matures into adulthood, they leave behind the childish impulsive behaviors that separate the children from the grownups. Well, you couldn't be more wrong...

I must have been in my early twenties, if my memory serves. That would put my sister Sheryl in her late twenties. The night in question was spent at the house that belonged to the parents of the guy I was dating at the time. They were away on vacation and this guy, Bob, had been staying with them. So there we were, hanging out with my sis, his sis, and his bro in law, having dinner and some cocktails. We spent our time laughing and joking and just being light hearted until my sister had announced that she needed to visit the ladies room. To which I casually replied that I also needed to go. There was a silence...we locked eyes...and then suddenly we both jumped up and darted in the direction of the bathroom, each trying to reach the bathroom door first. I have a teeny bit of a competitive side. We tackled each other down the hall, both fighting with all our might! When we reached the bathroom, still wrestling and struggling, we slammed into the door sending it forcefully flying open with a bang. Suddenly there was silence again as we realized that we had flung the door open with such gusto, that we forced the inside doorknob right through the bathroom wall, leaving a gaping hole. Oops. We both retreated like two guilty puppies that just pooped on the carpet. Sheepishly, we shuffled back out of the little bathroom and back into the kitchen where everyone stood with their eyes open wide and their hands over their mouths.

Thank goodness Bob's brother in law was handy with household jobs such as fixing huge-ass holes in the wall. He fixed it up nice, but not nice enough to hide that it had happened. He didn't have the paint to match, so even though he did a great job, the evidence was undeniable. So you can imagine when Bob's parents got home (of course Sheryl was nowhere to be found for this occasion) how uncomfortable it was. "um...ehem...sorry about the bathroom wall. Tee hee...You're really gonna laugh when you hear what happened..." You know, that kind of thing.

So, I guess there are parts of me (and Sheryl...don't forget about Sheryl) that will just never grow up. I could still see myself tackling the poor bastard that would dare to mention they have to pee when I'm thinking the same thing. Clearly, I haven't learned anything from this experience, except maybe to learn to run faster for next time.

A sad day

PARFORD-KEYS _ Matthew Ryder Parford-Keys (McKee), May 21, 1984 - March 22, 2007, passed away in his sleep, succumbing to an 18 month battle with Leukemia. He is survived by his loving mother, Geri Parford, (Ray Jourdain) and numerous loving family members, too many to list here. Memorial date April 02, 2007. Richmond Funeral Home. 8420 Cambie Rd, Richmond, BC. In lieu of flowers, donations to blood bank or to the Cancer Agency.


I'm so sad today. This is my neighbor Geri's son. When we moved in 7 years ago, he played his music until 1:30 in the morning on a work night. I went over the next morning to ask (very nicely) that in the future, he shut it down a little earlier. What I wouldn't give to hear him wailing to his music today.

Geri has raised this boy by herself from day one, which was two months after she turned 23. He had downs syndrome, so you can imagine how rough it would have been for her. She was so great with him and he was a beautiful boy. Now, two months before he was to turn 23, he is gone. When she came to my door over a year ago and told me that he was diagnosed with Leukemia, we were all optimistic about his prognosis. Then one day while I was highlighting her hair, she told me that he wasn't going to make it. I've seen him go from a chubby playful boy, to a very sick young man, needing my help to get him from the car into their townhouse. You should have seen her standing there after the service greeting and hugging all of the crying guests. She was such a trooper, smiling and laughing with everyone. The tears fell from my eyes continuously throughout the service and then some more on the drive home. I got home from the funeral about a half hour ago and I sit and write this with a heavy heart. I'm glad his pain is over, but the rest of us are so sad to see him go and so sad for his mom. Rest in Peace Matthew. The world will miss you.

Aren't we adorable?!?

You guys crack me up! Ok, so Kelly met the family on Sunday, which happened to be my Dad's birthday celebration. It went really well, but I knew it would cuz he's great and so is my family. I will, however try and refrain from exclusively posting about how gaga I am over my new boyfriend. Hmmmmmm.....Ummmmmm....just wait I'm thinking.....There was this one time when Kelly...wait... no...that's about him too. I know I had a life before he came along, but damned if I can remember any of it right now!
So Sunday morning Kelly and I were hanging out at my place, but I have a very important Sunday ritual which involves my sister's couch, her tv, and two and a half glorious hours of Coronation street. So I headed off to my sis' place, and he was gonna hang out at mine until I returned. When I got home he was standing there lookin all gorgeous, so I went over and gave him some hello smooches and snuggles. He told me that he popped out to do a few things while I was gone. He goes, "while I was out, I wanted to get you the perfect single rose, but every one I looked at was slightly flawed in some way. I couldn't find one that was perfect....so I had to get you a dozen instead." So I look over and see these.






I know, right? Could he BE any sweeter?!? Sigh........

So this guy that I've been seeing is really great. We'll call him "Kelly" mostly cuz that's his name. I met his little 9 year old daughter over the weekend, and we played with beads, baked cookies, and goofed off a little. Since she lives on the island right now, Kelly had to take her across on the ferry to drop her back off with her mom. So I decided to keep him company and went with them. Well, I know it's hard to believe, but I kind of made them late for the ferry, so we missed it and had to catch the next one. Once we boarded we had the chance to play around a little, played some "go fish," (cheated my ass off) watched her do card tricks, watched her climb around the pathetic little play area on the boat.

Anyhoo, then we docked and met up with her mom (BRRRRRRRR) It was a bit of a chilly reception, though I don't know why. They've been parted for 2 years and she's in a relationship of her own. I guess it was just uncomfortable for her. Oh well.

The thing is, it was fun. Doesn't seem to matter what we do , where we go. I'm happy just to be with him. We laugh alot, we talk alot, and he has the best arms for hugging I've ever felt. Sigh...(goofy grin)

Hmmmmmm

So I've seen this guy from Plenty of fish a few times now and if I didn't know better, I'd say I've got a crush on him. I've been walking around grinning like an idiot for a week now. I'm driving in my car all by myself, and people must think I'm one sandwich short of a full picnic by the way I'm smiling. I catch myself drifting off to la la land while watching tv or doing someone's hair, and when I come back to reality, there's that silly smile again. Hmmmmmmm...

In other news, I have a crush on the guy that I've been seeing...oh wait, that's the same news;)

So last night I went on a coffee date with a guy I've been chatting with on plentyoffish.com. He was very funny and we got along great! We laughed and talked so long, I was late meeting my sister, who I had made plans to see. In fact, she had called me three times on my cel, checking to make sure I wasn't stuffed in the trunk of this guys car or something. (I didn't want to answer my phone cuz it's rude, but I did pick up the third time, getting the hint that someone was trying to get a hold of me) I felt so bad, I was only 15 minutes late or something, but she was ready to hop into her car and drive to Starbucks to make sure I was okay. She ended up getting a hold of me, and then the battery in my phone died. Anyway, after borrowing this guy's phone to call her back, I said goodbye to my new friend and hooked up with my sis, who lectured me on the safety precautions one should take when Internet dating. I did tell her who I was with and where we were going to be, I took my own car, and met in a public place, but I should have made sure my phone was charged, and I should have kept my eye on the time so it would have clicked that she was trying to contact me. Sigh. This dating thing is hard!
Okay, so I said this guy was really great and funny and had some very thoughtful and intelligent things to say. We'll see how it goes...

My Birthday in Shades of Green.

So today's my Birthday, and I'm feeling a little green. I only have one client booked, a set of highlights, and besides that, I'm gonna lay low. I got a super cute 'e card' from my Aunt Ellen and Uncle Curtis this morning, and it put a big ole smile on this face. I got emails from friends, phone calls from family, and an 'e rose' from a guy I've been chatting with on Plentyoffish.com (pretty much a picture of a rose.)

Last Sunday, we celebrated my birthday at the same time as my sister's, whose was a week ago. We had some nibblies and a birthday fruit flan. My sis and I find cake so sweet, We never feel good after, so we went with something a little less sickening. I got a really cute purse from my sis, my brother got us each a gift certificate for $100 to spend at a really nice spa (can't wait to use it) and my parents got me an exercise dvd that I saw on tv and wanted called 'turbo jam' along with a really cute hat in the style of a newsboy cap.

I almost drowned in my own saliva this morning at the mall. Just thought I'd pop in and buy myself a little something, and as I was about to enter I inhaled and suddenly I was choking to death. Tears were squirting out of my eyes as I hacked for my life. 35 years old and I still don't know which tube is for breathing and which is for swallowing. By the time I'd managed to save myself from certain drowning, I looked really pretty with my red puffy eyes and snotty nose. I felt like a real peach.

Note to self: Saliva is for swallowing...not for inhaling. Saliva/air, confusing the two can be hazardous! ehem.

Softball Season

Well, after a long season, Alicia's soccer is coming to an end with her last game of the year on the 4th. I always love the end of soccer season, though I love watching her games. I just find it a relief not to have such a rigid schedule for a while.

The end of soccer is always an indication that my softball season is just around the corner. Being on a ball team is so much fun. There's always excitement, adventure, and the unexpected. Like once I was playing catcher and as the hitter swung the bat, the ball bounced off it funny and flew into my eyebrow. It split it open a bit, so I had to go to emergency for a few stitches. After getting sewn up, I rounded the corner toward the field, to see my team mates cheering for me. "How many stitches," one team mate yelled as we pulled into the lot. When I told them I had seven stitches, one of my friends on the team burst out with, "I won the stitches pool!!!" So while I was under needle and thread, they were placing bets on how many stitches I would get. Touching, huh? I know I'm warm and fuzzy.

Then one time, we were all sitting around after a game, having a couple of beers. The kids were playing, my buddy's dog was frolicking around, and our laughter filled the air. I was sitting on a lawn chair, when suddenly my left thigh got really warm...and wet. I look down, and Chomper the dog, is actually lifting his leg, peeing on me! Obviously I couldn't stick around since the warmth I had originally felt was quickly turning into cold, wet, and itchy.
I found out later that after I had left my friend Dan goes, "where's Sharon? I have to take a leak."
Isn't that precious?

BAD BLOGGER!!!

I know I've been a bad blogger lately. I've been going on "plenty of fish" and chatting with a couple of cuties, so when I'm on the computer, and would otherwise be posting, I'm really on a man hunt. I also put a profile up on E harmony, which is not a free one, and it's not as good. So anyone who is lookin for love should check out plentyoffish.com. It's like a smorgasbord! Actually it's like a second hand store. Everything is used, some stuff is a little stale, but if you look, you'll find the treasures...or they'll find you. It's kind of a fun, non-threatening way to get back in the game. I'll be sure to keep you "posted" if I decide to go for coffee with someone. Curtis suggested I look for a hillbilly, but I couldn't find the hillbilly section on the website. Man seeking woman...woman seeking man...man seeking man...woman seeking woman...nope, no hillbilly section. Darn.

Love Day

Well tomorrow's Valentines Day and what could be more romantic than this picture I found on the net? Nothin' says lovin' like a gesture like this. I got twenty bucks that says there's a woman somewhere sweeping up a heart shaped patch of hair from her bathroom floor. Oooh, baby...

I've been a little stuck for topics to post about these days. It would help if I was bitter about being "alone" on Valentines day, so I could bitch and moan about it, but frankly, I'm not alone. My life is full of love. I will be popping out to buy my beautiful little girl some chocolaty goodies at some point today, as I do every year. She's the most consistent valentine I've ever had. For the last 16 years she's been the love of my life. She doesn't make me cards out of red construction paper and doilies anymore, but I can overlook that. You see? I'm not that picky.

Some women think that it should be every body's life goal to find a man, and that you can't be happy without one. I think it would be awesome to find a guy that I will still be excited about after a couple of years. But I'm not gonna commit myself to someone just for the sake of partnering up! That's how you end up sweeping hairy heart patches off your bathroom floor!

There are these two elderly twin sisters who hang around our mall quite a bit. They sit and have coffee at "the second cup" and wander around the mall. I think they live together and they seem inseparable. They wear identical winter coats, only one is red, and one is blue, and both have long grey hair. My Mom actually said the other day, "I don't want you and your sister to turn into the mall twins!" I had to laugh, because we've joked ourselves about sitting on the porch swing together as old ladies.

Well hopefully someday, I will find a man who I can laugh with, and snuggle on the couch with at night. Maybe I'll try an on line dating service, or some singles events. Maybe I'll run into that cute guy at the dog park as the weather gets warmer. But until I find the man that is a good fit for me, I'm just gonna be happy with the blessings that I've got. And that's a lot.

Hi Strangers!!!

Hey everyone! I don't know why I've been so busy lately, but I just haven't had time to sit and post. It's nice to be missed, though. Not only have I not posted, but I haven't read any of my favorite blogs lately. I'm really gonna have to get my poop together. I feel out of the loop:)

This morning I played squash as I've done twice a week for at least a year now. It doesn't really matter who won, though (me) because it's all about the excersise and fun. There's no point obsessing over who wins (me.)

My sis is off of work this week so she, my mom, and I are all going to go bowling this afternoon. Obviously this will be a very friendly game without focus on who will win (me) and who will lose (not me!)

Then later, I've got a couple of clients to do, so by then I should be good and tired. Now I have to go hop in the shower. It's pretty sweaty work winning...I mean playing squash.

Good news and bad news

Well the bad news is that Drew and I parted ways yesterday. I feel a little sad because we had made such plans for our future, but I know it was the right thing for me. There are parts of him that I will miss like crazy and parts that I won't miss at all, but we'll just leave it at that.

The good news is that for the first time in my life, I will be an auntie! My brother Mike and his wife Glenda are expecting a little booger-nugget, and I am so excited, I could cry! It's still early days in the pregnancy, but I'm just gonna go ahead and be thrilled regardless of the risks this early on. Lord knows I've dropped enough hints for them to get busy making me a niece or nephew, so this is cause for some celebration! The only problem is, 9 months isn't soon enough for me!!!!!

A dark time

In one of my old posts, I relayed a dating story taken from a book that I had started writing a few years ago and never finished. I happened to be leafing through the book today, and decided to share a story about my relationship with Alicia's Dad. In the book, his name is "Spermy," "sperminator," "Spermy sperm sperm"
You get the idea.

Once, when we were arguing and I threatened to walk out, he told me I could go, but I would have to leave the baby with him. Well, all you Mommy lions out there know that them's fightin' words. As he stood between me and the little bassinet, my mind flashed on the incident I previously relayed to you, and I'm sure he saw something in my eyes that day that he never knew existed within me. The battle of wills had reached a frightening level, and I could feel myself reaching my boiling point. I told him that I would kill him before I would ever turn my daughter over to the likes of him and he dared me to do it. Now, I don't know if you can appreciate how precarious this moment was, but I turned around and grabbed the first thing that was behind me and flung it at his chest. I can see it in my mind's eye, cutting through the room in slow motion towards him. If you've ever held a knife by its blade and flung it overhand toward a target, you can imagine my perspective. I could see the realization reach his face, and for a moment in time I actually felt like giggling at his reaction. It was pure "holy shit, she's gonna kill me" fear in his eyes. As the object bounced off his chest, I could see that his mind had been so convinced that I had grabbed a Kitchen knife, that it took him a moment to realize it was merely a wooden spoon I had thrown. For me, the scary part of this is: what if the first object that was behind me had been a kitchen knife? It was simply luck that it was a spoon. I would have watched it embed itself in his chest rather than bounce off and fall to the floor. That was what our relationship had come to...

When I think back to this period in my life, it really feels like a dream, or like I'm talking about someone I used to know, rather than someone I used to be. I grew up in a peaceful home where we weren't allowed to say "I hate you" to our siblings and when our parents argued, we were blissfully unaware. I don't know how I got to that place, but I'm sure glad it was just a short stay.

Our Umbrella

So, Herman must have spent hours teaching me how to include video in my posts. He is a great teacher, even from so far away! This is the song I wrote and played at my friend Donna's wedding. I know the picture is a little dark from me sitting right in front of a lamp, but I'll know better for next time. Hope you enjoy it!

I'm in Shock

I just found out while checking my email, that an old friend of mine passed away last week. I haven't seen him for a while, but my mind keeps going back to us as teenagers swiping a giant bottle of baby duck from his parents basement. We all passed the bottle around until it was empty and we were pickled. I don't even know how he died. He was only 34.

The Day I Almost Blew Someone's Face Off

When I was growing up, we did our share of moving. It was rare for my siblings and I to remain in the same school long enough to really make friends and feel at home. At the tender "tween" years that I was, it made me an easy target for the other kids in my schools, because I was always the new kid, and had painfully low self esteem. When we finally settled in one house for a few years, I landed at the elementary school in which I would eventually complete grade 5, 6, and 7. Grade 5 was hell. The tears that I cried daily about the cruelty that some kids would inflict on me, seemed endless. Thank God I had my Mom, who was the most tender hearted person, full of sympathy, advice, and always had a shoulder ready for crying on.
Grades 6 and 7 became easier and easier. After one girl, Angela, who happened to be one of the popular girls, warmed up to me the rest of the kids began to see me differently (some faster than others). I always admired this girl for going against popular opinion, including her twin sister who hated me, and getting to know me for who I am. We are still friends to this day. For the record, her twin sister, who hated me, also warmed up to me in time, and has since apologized for her actions. She is also the woman whose wedding I sang at a few months ago.

Anyway, I guess the torture that I had gone through during my young life affected me more than I would have liked. I got to the point where I didn't want to take any crap from anyone. I know I've described to you before how I had a tendency to be impulsive, and this day in particular wasn't one of my finer moments.

There was this boy named Melvin, who loved to torment me about anything he could think of. When he found out my middle name was "Lee" he began the daily ritual of dancing around me singing "LEELEELEELEELEELEELEELEE....." So stupid, but for me it wasn't what he was saying as much as the fact that he was trying to stir up feelings of inadequacy in me and that just made me furious. Anyway, this is just one example of the lengths this kid would go to make me stand out and look stupid.

So one day, my friend, Rose and I were on the playground, and who comes wondering over to spread cheer? Melvin. He began taunting and I just snapped! Rose and I both grabbed him, forced him onto the tire swing, and tied him there by the sleeves of his kangaroo jacket. We then put his hood on his head and proceeded to pull the drawstrings until the hood closed around his face leaving a small hole in the front. We didn't stop there. I don't know where Rose got a fire cracker, but she placed one right in the hole, and despite Melvin's pleas, one of us lit the fire cracker and we ran away laughing! I know what you are all thinking...I'm a bloody monster! Thank God the fire cracker fell out of the hole and onto the ground and nobody was hurt/blinded!

It just goes to show you how a normally harmless human being can be pushed to do things that they would normally never dream of doing! I'm not saying his behavior excuses mine, by any stretch. But the fact is, had that fire cracker stayed snug in its little hole, Melvin's face would have been hamburger and Rose and I would have been responsible. The thing is,that kind of human destruction is so far out of my character, I would have a hard time believing that I let it go that far! Well we all got lucky that day, especially Melvin. I'll bet you think he learned something that day and never tormented me again...Nope, he continued on as usual.

The funny thing is, it turns out my friend Rose's husband is very good friends with Melvin today, so she sees him all the time. But no one has ever spoken about the tire swing incident. Maybe it wasn't one of his finest moments, either.

just some stuff

AAAAAAAH. The kid's back in school, so I can finally catch up on some reading of blogs and writing in my own.
Like most people I talk to lately, I'm having a hell of a time finding energy to function. Everyone seems to be fighting off a cold, getting over a flu, or in the middle of a cold/flu combo. Frankly, I'm starting to wish I would just get a bad cold, so it can just run it's course. Rather, I've been fighting something off for at least two months. My lips are so dry they're forming some kind of scaly shell. They burn most of the time, and I've tried every kind of balm from blistex to polysporin. The other night I was dreaming all night that I had a plugged nose. So in my dream I'm snorting gallons of nasal spray, but my nose is still so plugged that I'm not getting any air in or out. This, of course, makes me a mouth breather, and exacerbates the afore mentioned lip dryness. Anyway, I'm sure this is all fascinating, but I'll leave you wanting more.

My brother and sis in law just left for their home in Whitehorse. They were here for Christmas and New Years. This was the New Years party we were at. Sheryl didn't last until midnight because she was sick, but she managed to come by and celebrate for a little while. Too bad my other brother, Dennis wasn't there, but he was off doing something else.

Anyway, that's it for me. My butt's getting sore.

I'm sure I've mentioned in the past, the fact that when I was a child I loved to snoop through my sisters room. Everything she had was cool, weather or not I knew what it was. She even had a mysterious drawer in her dresser that smelled really funny, but no matter how weird it smelled, I would still open the damned thing, just to investigate. Turns out that was her vitamin drawer. You know how vitamins can smell gross.
So I must have been five years old this particular time I sneaked into my sis' room and started rummaging around in her drawers. There was make up, and nail polish, and some stuff I wasn't sure about. One thing that caught my eye, was a little, tiny, cute tube of quick drying, super, crazy glue. Aw, it was so cute, I just had to twist that adorable little cap right off, and squeeze some glue from that precious little bottle. Well, in about 1/100th of a second, I was cursing that cute little tube of glue, and in an absolute panic. It seems that my index finger and thumb had instantly fused together! What was I going to do!?! I couldn't run for help, or I would get in trouble for being a little snoop! But no matter what I did, the fingers were still stuck together! After trying various creams and soaps, I did what anyone would have done in my situation...I slowly and painfully ripped the digits apart until they were separated. Was it scary? I'm not gonna lie. It was. Did my thumb have a layer of glue still on it, followed by the first three layers of the skin from my index finger? Yes...yes it did. But I did learn something that day. I can't remember what it was, though...it was a long time ago.