Well the bad news is that Drew and I parted ways yesterday. I feel a little sad because we had made such plans for our future, but I know it was the right thing for me. There are parts of him that I will miss like crazy and parts that I won't miss at all, but we'll just leave it at that.
The good news is that for the first time in my life, I will be an auntie! My brother Mike and his wife Glenda are expecting a little booger-nugget, and I am so excited, I could cry! It's still early days in the pregnancy, but I'm just gonna go ahead and be thrilled regardless of the risks this early on. Lord knows I've dropped enough hints for them to get busy making me a niece or nephew, so this is cause for some celebration! The only problem is, 9 months isn't soon enough for me!!!!!
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Thursday, January 25, 2007
A dark time
In one of my old posts, I relayed a dating story taken from a book that I had started writing a few years ago and never finished. I happened to be leafing through the book today, and decided to share a story about my relationship with Alicia's Dad. In the book, his name is "Spermy," "sperminator," "Spermy sperm sperm"
You get the idea.
Once, when we were arguing and I threatened to walk out, he told me I could go, but I would have to leave the baby with him. Well, all you Mommy lions out there know that them's fightin' words. As he stood between me and the little bassinet, my mind flashed on the incident I previously relayed to you, and I'm sure he saw something in my eyes that day that he never knew existed within me. The battle of wills had reached a frightening level, and I could feel myself reaching my boiling point. I told him that I would kill him before I would ever turn my daughter over to the likes of him and he dared me to do it. Now, I don't know if you can appreciate how precarious this moment was, but I turned around and grabbed the first thing that was behind me and flung it at his chest. I can see it in my mind's eye, cutting through the room in slow motion towards him. If you've ever held a knife by its blade and flung it overhand toward a target, you can imagine my perspective. I could see the realization reach his face, and for a moment in time I actually felt like giggling at his reaction. It was pure "holy shit, she's gonna kill me" fear in his eyes. As the object bounced off his chest, I could see that his mind had been so convinced that I had grabbed a Kitchen knife, that it took him a moment to realize it was merely a wooden spoon I had thrown. For me, the scary part of this is: what if the first object that was behind me had been a kitchen knife? It was simply luck that it was a spoon. I would have watched it embed itself in his chest rather than bounce off and fall to the floor. That was what our relationship had come to...
When I think back to this period in my life, it really feels like a dream, or like I'm talking about someone I used to know, rather than someone I used to be. I grew up in a peaceful home where we weren't allowed to say "I hate you" to our siblings and when our parents argued, we were blissfully unaware. I don't know how I got to that place, but I'm sure glad it was just a short stay.
You get the idea.
Once, when we were arguing and I threatened to walk out, he told me I could go, but I would have to leave the baby with him. Well, all you Mommy lions out there know that them's fightin' words. As he stood between me and the little bassinet, my mind flashed on the incident I previously relayed to you, and I'm sure he saw something in my eyes that day that he never knew existed within me. The battle of wills had reached a frightening level, and I could feel myself reaching my boiling point. I told him that I would kill him before I would ever turn my daughter over to the likes of him and he dared me to do it. Now, I don't know if you can appreciate how precarious this moment was, but I turned around and grabbed the first thing that was behind me and flung it at his chest. I can see it in my mind's eye, cutting through the room in slow motion towards him. If you've ever held a knife by its blade and flung it overhand toward a target, you can imagine my perspective. I could see the realization reach his face, and for a moment in time I actually felt like giggling at his reaction. It was pure "holy shit, she's gonna kill me" fear in his eyes. As the object bounced off his chest, I could see that his mind had been so convinced that I had grabbed a Kitchen knife, that it took him a moment to realize it was merely a wooden spoon I had thrown. For me, the scary part of this is: what if the first object that was behind me had been a kitchen knife? It was simply luck that it was a spoon. I would have watched it embed itself in his chest rather than bounce off and fall to the floor. That was what our relationship had come to...
When I think back to this period in my life, it really feels like a dream, or like I'm talking about someone I used to know, rather than someone I used to be. I grew up in a peaceful home where we weren't allowed to say "I hate you" to our siblings and when our parents argued, we were blissfully unaware. I don't know how I got to that place, but I'm sure glad it was just a short stay.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Our Umbrella
So, Herman must have spent hours teaching me how to include video in my posts. He is a great teacher, even from so far away! This is the song I wrote and played at my friend Donna's wedding. I know the picture is a little dark from me sitting right in front of a lamp, but I'll know better for next time. Hope you enjoy it!
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
I'm in Shock
I just found out while checking my email, that an old friend of mine passed away last week. I haven't seen him for a while, but my mind keeps going back to us as teenagers swiping a giant bottle of baby duck from his parents basement. We all passed the bottle around until it was empty and we were pickled. I don't even know how he died. He was only 34.
Monday, January 15, 2007
The Day I Almost Blew Someone's Face Off
When I was growing up, we did our share of moving. It was rare for my siblings and I to remain in the same school long enough to really make friends and feel at home. At the tender "tween" years that I was, it made me an easy target for the other kids in my schools, because I was always the new kid, and had painfully low self esteem. When we finally settled in one house for a few years, I landed at the elementary school in which I would eventually complete grade 5, 6, and 7. Grade 5 was hell. The tears that I cried daily about the cruelty that some kids would inflict on me, seemed endless. Thank God I had my Mom, who was the most tender hearted person, full of sympathy, advice, and always had a shoulder ready for crying on.
Grades 6 and 7 became easier and easier. After one girl, Angela, who happened to be one of the popular girls, warmed up to me the rest of the kids began to see me differently (some faster than others). I always admired this girl for going against popular opinion, including her twin sister who hated me, and getting to know me for who I am. We are still friends to this day. For the record, her twin sister, who hated me, also warmed up to me in time, and has since apologized for her actions. She is also the woman whose wedding I sang at a few months ago.
Anyway, I guess the torture that I had gone through during my young life affected me more than I would have liked. I got to the point where I didn't want to take any crap from anyone. I know I've described to you before how I had a tendency to be impulsive, and this day in particular wasn't one of my finer moments.
There was this boy named Melvin, who loved to torment me about anything he could think of. When he found out my middle name was "Lee" he began the daily ritual of dancing around me singing "LEELEELEELEELEELEELEELEE....." So stupid, but for me it wasn't what he was saying as much as the fact that he was trying to stir up feelings of inadequacy in me and that just made me furious. Anyway, this is just one example of the lengths this kid would go to make me stand out and look stupid.
So one day, my friend, Rose and I were on the playground, and who comes wondering over to spread cheer? Melvin. He began taunting and I just snapped! Rose and I both grabbed him, forced him onto the tire swing, and tied him there by the sleeves of his kangaroo jacket. We then put his hood on his head and proceeded to pull the drawstrings until the hood closed around his face leaving a small hole in the front. We didn't stop there. I don't know where Rose got a fire cracker, but she placed one right in the hole, and despite Melvin's pleas, one of us lit the fire cracker and we ran away laughing! I know what you are all thinking...I'm a bloody monster! Thank God the fire cracker fell out of the hole and onto the ground and nobody was hurt/blinded!
It just goes to show you how a normally harmless human being can be pushed to do things that they would normally never dream of doing! I'm not saying his behavior excuses mine, by any stretch. But the fact is, had that fire cracker stayed snug in its little hole, Melvin's face would have been hamburger and Rose and I would have been responsible. The thing is,that kind of human destruction is so far out of my character, I would have a hard time believing that I let it go that far! Well we all got lucky that day, especially Melvin. I'll bet you think he learned something that day and never tormented me again...Nope, he continued on as usual.
The funny thing is, it turns out my friend Rose's husband is very good friends with Melvin today, so she sees him all the time. But no one has ever spoken about the tire swing incident. Maybe it wasn't one of his finest moments, either.
Grades 6 and 7 became easier and easier. After one girl, Angela, who happened to be one of the popular girls, warmed up to me the rest of the kids began to see me differently (some faster than others). I always admired this girl for going against popular opinion, including her twin sister who hated me, and getting to know me for who I am. We are still friends to this day. For the record, her twin sister, who hated me, also warmed up to me in time, and has since apologized for her actions. She is also the woman whose wedding I sang at a few months ago.
Anyway, I guess the torture that I had gone through during my young life affected me more than I would have liked. I got to the point where I didn't want to take any crap from anyone. I know I've described to you before how I had a tendency to be impulsive, and this day in particular wasn't one of my finer moments.
There was this boy named Melvin, who loved to torment me about anything he could think of. When he found out my middle name was "Lee" he began the daily ritual of dancing around me singing "LEELEELEELEELEELEELEELEE....." So stupid, but for me it wasn't what he was saying as much as the fact that he was trying to stir up feelings of inadequacy in me and that just made me furious. Anyway, this is just one example of the lengths this kid would go to make me stand out and look stupid.
So one day, my friend, Rose and I were on the playground, and who comes wondering over to spread cheer? Melvin. He began taunting and I just snapped! Rose and I both grabbed him, forced him onto the tire swing, and tied him there by the sleeves of his kangaroo jacket. We then put his hood on his head and proceeded to pull the drawstrings until the hood closed around his face leaving a small hole in the front. We didn't stop there. I don't know where Rose got a fire cracker, but she placed one right in the hole, and despite Melvin's pleas, one of us lit the fire cracker and we ran away laughing! I know what you are all thinking...I'm a bloody monster! Thank God the fire cracker fell out of the hole and onto the ground and nobody was hurt/blinded!
It just goes to show you how a normally harmless human being can be pushed to do things that they would normally never dream of doing! I'm not saying his behavior excuses mine, by any stretch. But the fact is, had that fire cracker stayed snug in its little hole, Melvin's face would have been hamburger and Rose and I would have been responsible. The thing is,that kind of human destruction is so far out of my character, I would have a hard time believing that I let it go that far! Well we all got lucky that day, especially Melvin. I'll bet you think he learned something that day and never tormented me again...Nope, he continued on as usual.
The funny thing is, it turns out my friend Rose's husband is very good friends with Melvin today, so she sees him all the time. But no one has ever spoken about the tire swing incident. Maybe it wasn't one of his finest moments, either.
Monday, January 08, 2007
just some stuff
AAAAAAAH. The kid's back in school, so I can finally catch up on some reading of blogs and writing in my own.
Like most people I talk to lately, I'm having a hell of a time finding energy to function. Everyone seems to be fighting off a cold, getting over a flu, or in the middle of a cold/flu combo. Frankly, I'm starting to wish I would just get a bad cold, so it can just run it's course. Rather, I've been fighting something off for at least two months. My lips are so dry they're forming some kind of scaly shell. They burn most of the time, and I've tried every kind of balm from blistex to polysporin. The other night I was dreaming all night that I had a plugged nose. So in my dream I'm snorting gallons of nasal spray, but my nose is still so plugged that I'm not getting any air in or out. This, of course, makes me a mouth breather, and exacerbates the afore mentioned lip dryness. Anyway, I'm sure this is all fascinating, but I'll leave you wanting more.
My brother and sis in law just left for th
eir home in Whitehorse. They were here for Christmas and New Years. This was the New Years party we were at. Sheryl didn't last until midnight because she was sick, but she managed to come by and celebrate for a little while. Too bad my other brother, Dennis wasn't there, but he was off doing something else.
Anyway, that's it for me. My butt's getting sore.
Like most people I talk to lately, I'm having a hell of a time finding energy to function. Everyone seems to be fighting off a cold, getting over a flu, or in the middle of a cold/flu combo. Frankly, I'm starting to wish I would just get a bad cold, so it can just run it's course. Rather, I've been fighting something off for at least two months. My lips are so dry they're forming some kind of scaly shell. They burn most of the time, and I've tried every kind of balm from blistex to polysporin. The other night I was dreaming all night that I had a plugged nose. So in my dream I'm snorting gallons of nasal spray, but my nose is still so plugged that I'm not getting any air in or out. This, of course, makes me a mouth breather, and exacerbates the afore mentioned lip dryness. Anyway, I'm sure this is all fascinating, but I'll leave you wanting more.
My brother and sis in law just left for th
eir home in Whitehorse. They were here for Christmas and New Years. This was the New Years party we were at. Sheryl didn't last until midnight because she was sick, but she managed to come by and celebrate for a little while. Too bad my other brother, Dennis wasn't there, but he was off doing something else.Anyway, that's it for me. My butt's getting sore.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
I'm sure I've mentioned in the past, the fact that when I was a child I loved to snoop through my sisters room. Everything she had was cool, weather or not I knew what it was. She even had a mysterious drawer in her dresser that smelled really funny, but no matter how weird it smelled, I would still open the damned thing, just to investigate. Turns out that was her vitamin drawer. You know how vitamins can smell gross.
So I must have been five years old this particular time I sneaked into my sis' room and started rummaging around in her drawers. There was make up, and nail polish, and some stuff I wasn't sure about. One thing that caught my eye, was a little, tiny, cute tube of quick drying, super, crazy glue. Aw, it was so cute, I just had to twist that adorable little cap right off, and squeeze some glue from that precious little bottle. Well, in about 1/100th of a second, I was cursing that cute little tube of glue, and in an absolute panic. It seems that my index finger and thumb had instantly fused together! What was I going to do!?! I couldn't run for help, or I would get in trouble for being a little snoop! But no matter what I did, the fingers were still stuck together! After trying various creams and soaps, I did what anyone would have done in my situation...I slowly and painfully ripped the digits apart until they were separated. Was it scary? I'm not gonna lie. It was. Did my thumb have a layer of glue still on it, followed by the first three layers of the skin from my index finger? Yes...yes it did. But I did learn something that day. I can't remember what it was, though...it was a long time ago.
So I must have been five years old this particular time I sneaked into my sis' room and started rummaging around in her drawers. There was make up, and nail polish, and some stuff I wasn't sure about. One thing that caught my eye, was a little, tiny, cute tube of quick drying, super, crazy glue. Aw, it was so cute, I just had to twist that adorable little cap right off, and squeeze some glue from that precious little bottle. Well, in about 1/100th of a second, I was cursing that cute little tube of glue, and in an absolute panic. It seems that my index finger and thumb had instantly fused together! What was I going to do!?! I couldn't run for help, or I would get in trouble for being a little snoop! But no matter what I did, the fingers were still stuck together! After trying various creams and soaps, I did what anyone would have done in my situation...I slowly and painfully ripped the digits apart until they were separated. Was it scary? I'm not gonna lie. It was. Did my thumb have a layer of glue still on it, followed by the first three layers of the skin from my index finger? Yes...yes it did. But I did learn something that day. I can't remember what it was, though...it was a long time ago.
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