So we picked up Kelly's daughter on Friday and when we got to our usual meeting place, Anastasia had to go pee really bad. So I walked into blendz with her, her mom, and her mom's boyfriend. While Ani and her mom were in the ladies, I chatted with the boyfriend about work and stuff, and we had a few laughs. This is the first time in a year and a half that I've seen him comfortable enough to crack up laughing. It was a side of him I haven't seen. Usually he appears very shy and introverted. He's very petite (I could snap him like a twig) and is always pleasant, but rarely seems a hundred percent at ease. Now I don't know Anastasia's mom very well, but Kelly does. I know he's the ex and that might color his opinion of her, but he's always maintained she can be humorless and controlling. I've seen both those things in her just from our brief encounters every second weekend. Remember when I first posted about her and she was so moody and bitchy? Very hot and cold. Anyway, after Anastasia went to the bathroom, we were standing in line so her mom could get a coffee. As we stood there talking about a play that Ani was going to be in next week, her mom says to her "what time does your play start?" Anastasia, being a ten year old, kind of had her head in the clouds and said, "What play?" Her mom responded by asking her to look at her. When she did, to my surprise, her mom took the palm of her hand, fingers up, and thrust it into her forehead! Now, I don't love everything about this woman, but I've always thought she was a very present parent for Ani. Very diligent about bedtime, rules, cleanliness, rules...if you get my drift. I also notice that, though she shows her affection, she often is insensitive to her feelings and that there is a certain element of fear in Anastasia when it comes to displeasing her mom. I don't want to give you the impression that she is an abuser or anything, but I was very taken back by her smack to the head for such a non-reason. The sound it made indicated that it was excessively hard, and it made her head snap back. Afterwards, Anastasia's little hand went up and rubbed her head where she was smacked, and her body language was that of humiliation and at the same time, trying to somewhat laugh it off. I really hate it when parents do things like this to kids. Not only was it mean in my eyes, but degrading. I was shocked, and I don't get shocked that easily. I didn't say anything to Kelly when we got back to the car where he was waiting for us because I didn't want to say anything bad about the ex in front of Ani. But later that night I felt compelled to tell him. I struggled with it for about 30 seconds wondering weather I should worry him, but my rule of thumb is: If you have to struggle with it, that's reason enough to say something. I would want to know. We had a busy weekend, so I didn't have time to have a heart to heart with Anastasia, but I would like to sit down and talk to her about how that made her feel, without making her feel as though she was throwing her mom under the bus.
8 comments:
I think that your response to what happened was very judicious and as you said, in the interest of Anastasia. It is always very difficult for outsiders to take part in such a conversation concerning these problems. However, I understand your ideas about that. It is inconceivable to touch such a sweet child in her face in a way like that, which is very humiliating.
Your accessment of how sticky this can be is accurate. Very tough. Anastasia is a sweetheart and I know you are doing an awesome job as "stepmom".
Thanks Herman and Penny. You guys are great online friends. It's nice to be able to run things by unbiased people:)
Ok, sorry but you are going to get the hot blooded Mediterranean gals opinion on the topic of the week.
I have never struck my children, apart from a light tap on the bum and that is done with a laugh.
I don't know how you kept your cool, sweetie? I probably would have given her the look of death for starters and then maybe tripped her on the way out of the coffee shop (oops, did I do that?).
Anastasia is a lovely little girl, but regardless that...her mother should have never done that,ever!
The only reason I can think of why she might have done something so heartless is because she was feeling insecure with you around.
Anastasia is lucky to have a wonderful father and you in her life.
Love ya,
Kik's
I'm in agreement with everyone else. What she did wasn't right and you did the right thing by dicussing it with Kelly. Never hide anything that bothers you from your partner. Good thing you ain't redneck, I can just picture the ex laying tits up after she got the same treatment. I know I'm nuts but that's just me and my warped sense of humor.
Hi Sharon,
Once again I am starting this with sorry for having been absent from the comment arena again. Time just keeps flying away from me!
To comment on your situation with Ani's mom! Dont get me started. I dispise people who openly ridicule their children. Even if she did think Ani had her head in the clouds, she made herself look really mean and insecure, not to mention stupid. Whether she was uncomfortable with you or whatever, thats no excuse to humiliate the child, and in such an agressive manner to boot. Sorry, I know you are trying to be diplomatic, but I dont have to be! Like Kik says, I admire you for keeping your cool! But I realize how you cant be making yourself look like you are running her mom down in anyways. But how do you teach a child that that is not an acceptable way to be treated. I hope Kelly can figure out a way to dicourage her Mom from repeating that degredation. Okay, Im ranting... Ill stop now!
She looks like such a little cutie pie!
Yup, I thought you guys would see my point:)
This is why children should have electric collars, you can push a button without pulling your hands out of your pockets. zzzzzzzt!
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